You move me

Pulling the pieces back together is difficult...I tried just ignoring the change but it finally hit me.  Praying that God will reveal his plan.  I know that there is something beautiful at the end of all of this, but right now I'm in pain, trudging through the mud we've made.

This how it seems to me
Life is only therapy
Real expensive and
No guarantees
So I lie here on the couch
With my heart hanging out
Frozen solid with fear
Like a rock in the ground

But You move me
You give me courage I didn't know I had,
You move me
I can't go with You and stay where I am so,
You move me

Here is how love was to me
I could look and not see
Going through the emotions
Not knowing what they mean
And it scared me so much
That I just wouldn't budge
I might have stayed there forever
If not for Your touch

Oh, but You move me
Out of myself and into the fire
You move me
Burning with love and with hope and desire,
How You move me

You go whistling in the dark
Making light of it, making light of it
And I follow with my heart
Laughing all the way
Oh, 'cause You move me
You get me dancing and You make me sing,
You move me
Now I'm taking delight in every little thing
How You move me
Oh, You move me

Abundant Life

This song by Jill Paquette, and honestly her entire first album, is one that I continually come back to in my times of worship.  Her simple melodies and lyrics often speak to me in different ways each time I come back to them.  The lyrics, " And once in a while is not enough to show to Me what you call love,  Don't waste my time words aren't all I want" truly are resonating with me in this time heartache.  Obviously, in times of brokenness, I am so much more apt to cry out in desperation.  But, if I truly were desperately in love with my SAVIOR, it would be well known by all.  About a week ago, I was discussing this idea of romantic love with my Trinity group and someone asked whether anyone had ever experienced a time of head of heels love with God.  Most people talked about how it was a day to day struggle.  In my personal experience, however, I can recall a year of my life in which I was so madly in love with Jesus.  It was an all consuming passion that exuded from my being.  I remember sitting in my high school with my journal, scribbling so fast  that my hand ached; I was so intent on communicating with my Lord.  SO vividly I remember the feeling of joy bubbling, bursting forth...the feeling of love for Jesus and the broken world surrounding me. (I just realized I was typing this so fast that I almost ended that last sentence in a preposition!)

Where did that feeling go? I know it lies within, but I feel like what replaces it right now is a deep anxiety about the future.  I LOVE God and know that he has wonderful plans for my life, but I am struggling to understand the purpose of my current circumstances.  Missing passion in my life is what is most difficult. Being such an emotional and passionate person, the emptiness is overwhelming.  I know am called to teach, but I am not satisfied in my current job.  I am in love with a man, but am frustrated in the circumstances of my relationship.  I really am blessed by my church family, but I struggle to know where I fit in.  In the midst of all this I feel I am at a loss.

  I know God has a call for my life, but I feel like I am waiting. How does a person live abundantly in a time of waiting? 

So...I will worship.


Broken and battered your confidence shattered but I am still here
The things that you cling to they seem to just bring you right back to your fears
Were the nails and the spear in My side not quite enough to provide
the victory you need in your life

Come to Me, Come to Me
If you come to Me, it'll be all right now

Depression is ending this fairytale ending you've sought for yourself
Broken glass photographs that use to make you laugh sit on the shelf
And you'd change the frame if you could, but you're doing the things that you should
Hoping that I'll think you're good enough

You're broken and shattered your body's been battered by what they call life
Depression is ending this life you've been spending wrapped up in your lies
And once in a while is not enough to show to Me what you call love
Don't waste my time words aren't all I want

Broken and battered your confidence shattered but I am still here....